You know global warming is real when:
- Hot water now comes out of both taps.
- You go outside your shadow stays inside.
- The chickens are laying hard boiled eggs.
- The trees are whistling for dogs.
- You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.
- Morning dew is an oddity.
How many climate scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None – There is no known evidence that light bulbs burn out. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – The human species is too inconsequential to change a light bulb. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – It is too early to say if the light bulb needs changing. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – The light bulb will eventually begin working again. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – The light bulb is not really burned out, it is a scientific conspiracy. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – They will never agree on exactly how to change the light bulb. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – It is more cost effective to live in the dark. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – We only know how to screw the planet. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – The Internet has proven that the light bulb is not actually burned out but is burning even brighter than before. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – There were far more burned out light bulbs in the ancient past, why should we change them today? Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – Climate scientists don’t change light bulbs. But! They tell us how light bulbs have changed in the past and how they are going to change in the future. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – Do you see the Chinese changing their light bulbs? Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – The climate skeptic believes it will clearly be more cost effective to adapt to darkness. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – Changing light bulbs is for engineers. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
How many climate scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don’t know but you better hurry, they are being banned because of climate change. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
Duh! It’s not the light bulb; IT’S THE SUN, STUPID!!! Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
The luminosity of the sun is of the order of 10^26 watts, so clearly the effect of any single light bulb is so small as to be negligible. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
It is far too expensive to change the light bulb. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
None – Light bulbs have been burning out since the days of the dinosaurs, why should we change them now? Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
How many surrealist painters does it take to change a light bulb?
What happens when you rub two climate scientists together?
Global warming. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
Why did the climate change denier cross the road?
It was just a natural cycle. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
Why are blondes our best chance for solving climate change?
Blondes know the meaning of ‘hot’! Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
Why are surfers our best chance for solving climate change?
Tall buildings sticking out of the surf get in the way of a good wave. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
How many politicians does it take to solve climate change?
The theory that politicians solve anything at all is yet to be proven. Ha-Ha-ha-ha!
In 100 years sea level will rise 1 meter according to the latest research.
We have no idea how much devastation this will cause because it’s metric.
The North Carolina legislature has solved the climate change problem.
They have made climate change models illegal.
How many climate skeptics does it take to change a light bulb?
- None. It’s too early to say if the light bulb needs changing.
- None, they will never agree that there is enough evidence that the light bulb has burnt out.
- None. It’s more cost-effective to live in the dark.
- None. We only know how to screw the planet.
- None. Eventually the light bulbs will right themselves.
- None. The Internet has proven the room actually got lighter when the light bulb blew.
- None. The Free Market will change it for them.
How many climate sceptics does it take to change a light bulb?
- Seventeen to one to chnge the bulb and sixteen to complain about the new swirly lightbulbs,
- Forty-three to explain that lightbulbs have natural cycles so if we do nothing the light bulb will eventually light up again, and one to blame Al Gore for inventing the science of lightbulbs to make money and to impose socialist government controls over life in general.
- Some anecdotal evidence indicates that one is sufficient but we can’t be sure until someone comes out with an independently-funded, peer-reviewed, double-blinded study…. Why’s this room so dark?
- One to change the bulb, and one to say, “But how do you know the old light bulb needed changing in the first place?”
- There has yet to be compelling evidence that there is, in fact, a light bulb.
- Well, yes, the room went dark shortly after the bulb burned out but that doesn’t mean it CAUSED the room to go dark. There could’ve been any number of events occurring at about the same time, any one of which could’ve been the trigger for the room darkening. You’re falling for a classic post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy. You should just leave it as is and see if the darkness clears itself up. The last thing you want to do is go messing around with some crazy lightbulb-changing home remedy. I mean, come on! Where did you read about that anyway, the internet?
- Look, there’s an unstated premise inherent in your question, and I don’t care *what* your woo woo “quantum” guru says, the lightbulb is always going to be a lightbulb no matter how hard you wish.
- One to change the lightbulb and 10 to criticize the inaccurate reporting of it.
- Two: one to change the bulb and one NOT to change the bulb, thereby providing a control group against which to measure the efficacy of bulb-changing.
- I see you’ve bought into the old lightbulb myth.
How many climate sceptics does it take not to change a lightbulb?
- Approximately 100. One to say that the current absence of light is the result of natural solar cycles and the other 99 to disseminate this finding through their ‘science organizations’ and oil industry funded think tanks.
Why did the climate skeptic cross the road?
- He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn’t believe it until he tested his hypothesis.
- Because they thought they were a chicken.
- If the skeptic really did cross the road, climate scientists wouldn’t believe it.
You know Global Warming is real when …
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
You discover that your bird feeder is clogged with puffed wheat and popped corn.
You discover that hot air balloons can’t fly because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
You see lizards carry a leaf to put under their tail when they sit down.
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
You see birds using potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
You see a wasp take its yellow jacket off.
The hump on Camelback Mountain is shrinking.
The hamburger is all ready cooked after coming off the cow.
Clean coal is a bit like wearing a porous condom…
at least the intention was there.
Climate change may kill off polar bears…
but the bipolar bears already went extinct during the Great Depression.